Self-Hate...


It amazes me how this how this hate seems to never leave.
How it sleeps, it hides, covert in its intentions.
But there it is, always there..
The black blemish on my soul for all to see..

Open your eyes, see how unworthy I am.
How unworthy I will always be..
Save yourself now!!
No..let me save you from it..
To give you the only worthy gift I can provide..

Watch me withdraw.
Watch me run, its so much easier then facing it.
Watch me slip away, feel my essence fade,
But leaving the pain I somehow managed to inflict.


Realize how I save thee.
Recognize I only wish to truly show my love by drifting off.
To save you..
From the agony I dispense in my ignorance.

The blackness in my soul reaches out to encompass another.
To spread itself, it longs for another, it doesn't want to die alone either..

Watch me fade..
Watch me as I slip away.
And allow me to escape your mind, your memory..
And forgive me as the blackness surrounds me.

I let go now, I allow the darkness to send me to another realm.
A realm where this darkness, this self hate can't follow.
Where I can love you and not destroy the being that is us..
Where I can't hurt you, where my love is free from this darkness...

Where my soul is pure, unblemished for you..
Always loving you, always yearning and wishing
I could have been worthy..for you.. all for you..

 Copyright © 2004, Tika Devlynn
All rights reserved